A Kid Called Fat…

Growing up a kid in suburbia with a good family and amazing friends how could one be stressed? Fact is, I spent most of my childhood shielded by stress. I wasn’t your average kid, I was what some would refer to as a “husky child.” Worst part was, I was already full grown by the age of 13, so I didn’t have a growth spurt to look forward to helping me thin out either. I was the youngest of three, raised on a low income, in a town where the Jones’ had everything. We were lucky because we lived in the house my mother grew up in, so we didn’t have to live on the streets, or in a small apartment. To this day I am forever grateful for that. However, the town we grew up in, if you didn’t have money and you weren’t thin, you weren’t invited to the kid parties.

Since I was a husky kid, I was bullied and picked on. I was called obscene names and ostracized from group activities. In fact, I was called fat so much it might as well have been my name. As you can imagine, this lead to very unhealthy stress. Looking back on it, I can’t complain because it made me the person I am today. However, back then I would have done just about anything to fit in; just to be like everyone else. Every night I wished we had more money, or that I would be invited to parties and have six pack abs. I just wanted to be liked. Unfortunately, my wishes always went unanswered. I know… some real worthy wishing right there… Some kids wish for food and shelter and here I was wishing for abs…
At the time I was living in what I would call “a stress circle.” The reason I call it that is because when I would get stressed, I would eat unhealthy foods to feel better, which made me chubbier.  When I got chubbier, I got made fun of. When I got made fun of, I would over react and push people away. This ultimately caused more stress,  less friends and me circling back to gaining more weight. I went on and on continuing this stress cycle for 3-4 years.  To me this was life. I didn’t know otherwise.
I would make excuses on a daily basis for myself. “If I had money I would be thinner because I would have a trainer,” or “If I got invited to more parties I would have a reason to get thin and look better.” You name it, if there was an excuse, I have used it…trust me. My mind set was to blame others and boy was I good at that. I couldn’t be the reason I was fat. That would mean it was my fault and we all know it was because the kids picked on me and that is an obvious correlation to weight gain… yeah right. I was only lying to myself, hurting myself and failing myself. The question was, when would it all end?
The reality was, it wasn’t going to end until I decided to stop making excuses for myself and started holding myself accountable for my actions. It ended when I finally said to myself, “It ends today. Today I take my life back, today I stop making excuses, today I realize my failures and today I move forward towards what I want in life.” See a common theme? That day is a day I will never forget. That was the day I gave up my “I will do it tomorrow” mentality and began the “I am doing it now” lifestyle.
If you really want something, don’t make the excuses, make the realty!
-JB
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